Fast & Furious (2009)

Not to be confused with The Fast and the Furious, Fast & Furious is the sequel that many fans, and by that I mean an unfathomable US$70 million+ opening weekend worth fan base, waited nearly 10 years for. It brings back the entire original cast: Vin "we almost got rid of his movie career" Diesel, Paul "Keanu Lite" Walker, the sexy (and probably very high maintenance) Jordana Brewster and Michelle Rodriguez. I didn't say anything about Michelle Rodriguez because she may try to find and kill me in her drunken rage.

Back to the review, the in the time line of this fast and furious universe, this movie takes place after 2 Fast 2 Furious and before The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift. So Brian (Paul Walker) is still a cop, Dom (Vin Diesel) is still on the lam, and the girls are alive somewhere doing something or other. This movie changes that, thus creating the driving force of the film. That pun was not intended, I just noticed it. The story goes that Brian and Dom, being on opposite sides of the law, now kinda team up for a common goal, sorta.

The opening is probably the best part of the movie as far as creative car scenes go. The race sequence later on in the film seemed too video game like, but I did get a laugh out of what happened when the GPS directions weren't adhered to. Any owner of a GPS unit who often misses turns would know what I'm talking about. And those types of scenes, along with the ricers and muscle cars included in them, are the main reason to watch the film. That and some skankily dressed girls. Though I did get pleasure from the fact that Koreans played whiney two-bit punks since they obviously aren't cut out to be masterminds.

If you're looking for a deep plot, go elsewhere. If you want brilliant acting, go elsewhere. If you want a touching love story, go elsewhere. If you want mindless entertainment and lose a few brain cells, here you go. I checked my watch once, which is pretty good, but maybe that's because I was too brain dead to want to be aware of time. I'd much rather recommend you attend a evening at Hot Import Nights (Or at least a Friday night at the White Caste at 4 Corners in Downers Grove) instead of watching this movie because then you'd get to see the cars and skanky ho's up close. It's not a good movie. And it didn't have memorable quotes like the original, for example:

Dom: You nevah had me.

or

Brian: Hey man, he was in my face
Dom: I'm in your face.

But hey, what do I know about movies that deserve sequels? Diesel has already signed on for Fa5t 'n' Furiou5.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Cristal Skull (2008) and Sex & the City (2008)

[Incredulous] "You're named after the dog?"

I could say the real "aha" moment in this installment of I. Jones comes early on, when the aforementioned hero jumps into a lead-lined refrigerator to survive a nuclear blast. "So they really did unfreeze him for this movie," I would tell myself as he struggles out of the battered fridge.

But that's too easy. The fun of the film is in making Jones into a family man. I suppose that's like the last one, putting him in the "son" role, but it works. The lead woman is light, as is the kid, and pretty much everyone, gophers, attack monkeys, aliens and commies included. It keeps a sense of humor and doesn't go on too long, like the other film I saw last weekend, Sex & the City.

Yeah, Sex is stuffed with references and undeveloped characters, so watch the series first. Or don't, and don't. But it is generally a good time and more dramatically interesting than, say, the giant jungle car battle scene in I. Jones.

So go for the killer ants in Jones and the killer fashion in Sex, and stay for the laughs. Or go for a walk instead.

SPOILER ALERT Both of these films end in white weddings, er, weddings of whites.

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

Ah yes, I'm here to kick it to you mainstream style. Nothing like some good ol' fashion popcorn eating movies. I dunno if anyone has reviewed this yet on the site, but I've fallen off the face of the earth for a while and I'm playing catch up. And besides, if someone already reviewed it, this can open up a terse discourse about it. Sorta like the McLaughlin group, but for movies.

Anyway, this third installment of the series based on the novels by Robert Ludlum (you like that? Sure sounded professional as hell, am I right?) picks up right from the end of the second film. If you didn't see the second one, stop reading and watch it. Jason Bourne globetrotting, trying to figure out his past, is once again being hunted by the US government. This time the search is headed by Whistler from Sneakers. He's one trigger-happy SOB that wants Bourne on a platter.

Needless to say, Bourne does what he does best and kicks some ass without taking names, even though he really wants people's names. Whatever. In any case, I was really pleased to see Bourne be challenged by some of his pursuers. There's one great fight scene that's pretty awesome, one in which lesser men would have been concussed on numerous occasions, but not Bourne. Needless to say, there are other good fight scenes that seem realistically sound with respect to technique.

Julia Stiles in this movie continues to perplex me. It's like she's hot in a weird way, but not really hot cuz there's something just not right about her and I just can't place it. Anyway, she looked agreeable in this movie, so the story could have done more with her but it didn't.

But back to the movie as a whole. It was good and I recommend it. The only thing that was kind of annoying was the shakey camera. I know it's supposed to add to the tension and such, but my god, can you use a tripod a little bit more please? Zero watch checks and I was going on 3 hours of sleep watching this.