Anything Else (2003) / The Front (1976) / Vicky Christina Barcelona (2008)

In response to Ian's heartfelt search for a different comedy, I propose Woody Allen films. I've seen three lately, The Front, Vicky Christina Barcelona and Anything Else. To be honest, The Front wasn't an Allen film, because he starred in but didn't direct.

Christina Ricci, co-star in Anything Else, gets me going in that good way. To quote Jason Biggs, Ricci's boyfriend in the film, or maybe it was Biggs' then-girlfriend who said it, she's got an offbeat sexual energy. But her whole aura is offset in this movie pretty quickly by her outright craziness, like a nightmare in Brooklyn kind of torture-your-boyfriend nutiness. She tries to set Biggs's character up with different women, depriving him of sex while encouraging him to sleep around, and lets her mom move into the living room of their apartment. The film's set in Queens or thereabouts, with a bunch of brown stone houses, I think.

Not to be outdone, the crazy girlfriend in Vicky Xtina (Penelope Cruz) wields a gun and rummages through other peoples' luggage. She got the Best Supporting Actress award but doesn't appear in the film until about halfway through. We were misled, hoping for another Volver (my gf is a huge P. and Suri Cruz fan. We own Vanilla Sky). Javier Bardem rules in this film, making out with pretty much everyone worth kissing in the thing, yet still retaining some integrity as an artist.

So what's with Allen and crazy women? Who knows.

No watch checks in either of those films, although I did watch Anything Else on two consecutive nights, about half each time. The dialogue is good, with Biggs doing his best Woody Allen. Allen himself co-stars as a paranoid best buddy/mentor. It made me miss having a crazy mentor like I did at my last job.

So these are different comedies, not gross-out, wittier, perhaps snootier, than the Apatowian stuff. Anything Else gets a little slow or tries a little too hard, with split screens at one point showing the zany action in three different situations at once. It's definitely old style.

The Front, meanwhile, tried way too hard. It was based on the Hollywood blacklist, but set in New York, where some TV was filmed/aired live back in the 50s, evidently. The actors were real blacklisted types, except Allen I guess. I feel like everyone took it a little too seriously to be funny. There is a great Allen moment at the end though, where he sticks it to his WASP-y persecutors. He avoids answering their questions, without taking the 5th, and mumbles his way into an indictment of the communist witchhunt. Take that G-men!

I Love You, Man (2009)

You know, I think I've reached critical mass with this group of actors, the Apatow people that is. It seems like they are in every comedy coming out these days. Because not only do they have their stuff, but they also work with people from The State. And if it's not them, then it's Will Ferrell and his group, also known as the Frat Pack. And it's getting to the point that they all seems the same. It's sorta like eating a lot of leftovers: sure it was good when you first had it and it was fresh, but then you have it later in the week, and then again, and eventually you just get satiated and want something new. Well I want something new in the comedic movies I see. The sad part is I don't even think the writer or director (John Hamburg) of this movie is related to those groups, but just having these people cast makes it seem so.

This movie is about a realty agent, Peter (Paul Rudd), who has no guy friends because he has always focused on relationships with women. So now he needs to find a best man for his wedding to Zooey (Rashida Jones). After a series of bad bromance meet and greets, Peter just about gives up. Enter Sydney (Jason Segel) who meets Peter at one of his open houses. They begin to hang out and so begins the story about their friendship. Peter and Sydney's friendship has an Odd Couple dynamic too it, with Peter being the straight man. But Peter isn't consistent as the straight man, so it's not really that funny compared to classic combos like Martin and Lewis, Lemmon and Matthau, or even Randall and Klugman.

I'm not gonna lie though, the movie made me laugh. The best part, for me, being a speech made by Sydney at the wedding shower. It was the only Part I remember laughing out loud at. Also humorous was Andy Samberg's take on being a gay guy. He's not the stereotypical flaming homosexual, and it's a refreshing take on the average gay male without being preachy in the "gay people are no different than everyone else" sorta way. Sure the movie is evenly sprinkled with funny observational humor, with a minor dabbing of gross out humor, but it's not really strong throughout. Overall, it's not as funny as I wanted it to be. I didn't look at my watch once, but that's not a real indication of the disappointment I had watching. And sure Rashida Jones and Jaime Pressly are pretty, but they weren't in any gratuitous bikini or naked scenes, actually no woman was now that I think about it. And that's a minus too. I recommend rental or torrent for this one.

I guess what I really need is to watch a completely different comedy. Frat Pack, Apatow, Broken Lizard, The State, Farrelly Brothers... I grow tired of them all. I think I'm also satiated by my guilty pleasure comedies, things by the Wayans Brothers; there's only such of Terry Crews one can take. I always said it would be a cold day in hell before I watched anything whose title is preceded by the phrase "Tyler Perry's..." or the general format of "_______ Movie", but I just may have to to break up the monotony of current comedic movies. Actually, that's probably going too far.

Throbbing Gristle: bullet list of annoyances and reliefs, undistinguished

- just the soundtrack? no songs? wait, one set is the soundtrack and the other set is the songs, with an opener? but each set is the same price so concertgoers including yours truly think you mean you're doing both sets at both shows? cue "price is right" fail here.

- OTOH, as chris was quick to point out, the soundtrack and film were great. all y'all in the other cities who don't get to see it are SUCKAZ. also, you really don't get to see such an enthusiastic reception for something so out...or see something so out at all...much anymore.

- throbbing gristle, seeing as they make completely maladroit music, manage to attract completely maladroit people with no concept of concert etiquette to their shows. To wit:
1) the guy in front of us who was old enough to be my dad making sad hand puppets and rabbit ears at the heads of people he didn't know. a sad, sad, sad, sad, sad attempt at establishing some social bond? (maybe the bond of some crustpunk's fist with his face)
2) a different guy in front of us who was old enough to be my dad who TOOK PICTURES EVERY THREE SECONDS DURING A 54-MINUTE FILM. wtf. and also, did not turn off EITHER the camera's redeye light OR its FAKE shutter sound, so EVERY THREE SECONDS we all got to see a red light mix with the projection and then a "ch-click" from a tinny stupid digital camera POS. WTF!!!
3) tall dudes barging into the miniscule open space i left in front of me so i wouldn't have someone's ass in my face and trying to look around them. well, this happens at every show, not just throbbing gristle. that's why i should wear boosters from here on out.

- despite what you may infer about my opinions of old people after the previous entry, i don't have anything against old people as a group. i WILL stoop to any level to denigrate idiots who have no concern for the quality of the concert experience of the people around them. especially older people who should know better, instead of proving that 1) the kids have a better grasp on social mores than the old-timers, and 2) old people are clueless about technology.

- there were probably much more flagrant violations of social norms at the 10p show. i wouldn't know because i turned in early.

- hoping to see some kind of old-reunion-band version of this, but alas, no luck:

Fast & Furious (2009)

Not to be confused with The Fast and the Furious, Fast & Furious is the sequel that many fans, and by that I mean an unfathomable US$70 million+ opening weekend worth fan base, waited nearly 10 years for. It brings back the entire original cast: Vin "we almost got rid of his movie career" Diesel, Paul "Keanu Lite" Walker, the sexy (and probably very high maintenance) Jordana Brewster and Michelle Rodriguez. I didn't say anything about Michelle Rodriguez because she may try to find and kill me in her drunken rage.

Back to the review, the in the time line of this fast and furious universe, this movie takes place after 2 Fast 2 Furious and before The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift. So Brian (Paul Walker) is still a cop, Dom (Vin Diesel) is still on the lam, and the girls are alive somewhere doing something or other. This movie changes that, thus creating the driving force of the film. That pun was not intended, I just noticed it. The story goes that Brian and Dom, being on opposite sides of the law, now kinda team up for a common goal, sorta.

The opening is probably the best part of the movie as far as creative car scenes go. The race sequence later on in the film seemed too video game like, but I did get a laugh out of what happened when the GPS directions weren't adhered to. Any owner of a GPS unit who often misses turns would know what I'm talking about. And those types of scenes, along with the ricers and muscle cars included in them, are the main reason to watch the film. That and some skankily dressed girls. Though I did get pleasure from the fact that Koreans played whiney two-bit punks since they obviously aren't cut out to be masterminds.

If you're looking for a deep plot, go elsewhere. If you want brilliant acting, go elsewhere. If you want a touching love story, go elsewhere. If you want mindless entertainment and lose a few brain cells, here you go. I checked my watch once, which is pretty good, but maybe that's because I was too brain dead to want to be aware of time. I'd much rather recommend you attend a evening at Hot Import Nights (Or at least a Friday night at the White Caste at 4 Corners in Downers Grove) instead of watching this movie because then you'd get to see the cars and skanky ho's up close. It's not a good movie. And it didn't have memorable quotes like the original, for example:

Dom: You nevah had me.

or

Brian: Hey man, he was in my face
Dom: I'm in your face.

But hey, what do I know about movies that deserve sequels? Diesel has already signed on for Fa5t 'n' Furiou5.

Prog Metal Roundup

Metal gets real complicated. It's probably because drama is an essential quality of metal that so many bands tend to draw their songs out to epic lengths and even link them together with often hilariously fantastical story lines.

Mastodon's new album Crack the Skye has long songs and a story line, though I wouldn't necessarily say it's hilarious. This album is the major label debut of a band that has done really well on independent labels, and it's dead serious. I'm just not entirely sure what it's so serious about. Astral projection is definitely in there, and Rasputin. Maybe the bizarre story line is just a justification for the totally awesome album art depicting spirit warriors and ghost bears you can see above. And that's just fine with me.

Mastodon can definitely play them some metal. Their level of musicianship seems to be very high, but they are still comfortable laying down some thick ass power chords when it's called for. They sound better screaming than singing, but they're sufficiently passionate to pull off the more melodic bits. I think the best attribute of Crack the Skye is that although long, the songs don't stray too far into the outer limits. There's one song that has a weird psych bridge, but they don't get nuts and put weird psych bridges into every song. They do it once, and satisfied with a mind melting interlude well crafted, they call it a day and flesh the other songs out with other little touches.

This was probably the key to keeping this album down to a relatively trim fifty minutes. There's no fat present, no forgettable acoustic ditties that fall between the big rocking tracks, just keepers. At the same time, the tracks all sound layered and huge (this album was produced by the guy who did all the Pearl Jam album from Vs to when they got completely forgettable) with really tasty metal guitar tones. Well done.



Hammers of Misfortune are a very different band, and a lot harder to pigeonhole than Mastodon. Mastodon are rockers at heart, but the Hammers are quite a bit more ambitious while working with significantly less resources. Their new(ish) double album Fields/Church of Broken Glass is a two-in-one concept album, two different albums recorded and released at one time, mostly because of constraints on recording budget, or so I gather. Fields is apparently some kind of historical meditation on conflict between aristocracy and peasantry, while Church seems to be about post-industrial decay.

The Hammers have a very different sound than Mastodon. Though I'm not a metal expert, it's sounds somewhere between power metal (no distortion pedals allowed, just over-driven amps) and seventies prog rock ala Yes. When everything is working right, it sounds pretty good, but I can't help but feel that it would have benefited from a better recording. Given that the sound is pretty live (not a lot of overdubs) the individual instruments aren't always captured clearly enough to lend the songs the necessary weight, or to put it another way, rocking-ness.

Another issue is the singing. The mastermind and songwriter of Hammers doesn't do the singing, he farms it out to dude(ette)s who have fairly impressive chops. But the result sounds pretty theatrical, which is not something that I'm very used to in metal. People love Ozzy so much because he sang about Iron Man like some dude he knew. He didn't let the fact that he was singing about a science fiction hero who saved the human race in the future throw him off his game or block up his passion, he may as well have been singing about an alcoholic panhandler that he passed on the street every day. You definitely don't get that kind of personal commitment to the subject matter on these records, the singing is a little more in the realm of show tunes. Everything is telegraphed and really clearly enunciated. But there are plenty of good tunes and interesting images here if it sounds like your kind of thing.

Burt's Place in Morton Grove

I went here last night with some Collective kids because of Anthony Bourdain:


A few things Bourdain didn't go over (but I knew in advance thanks to Yelp):
- Burt and Sharon run a TIGHT ship. As in, if you don't call ahead and reserve both your time AND your order, they will get very flustered and you stand a good chance of not only being turned away, but also getting scolded.
- Following on from the previous point, be sure to show up on time.
- No serving yourself this pizza. Sharon puts it down at ANOTHER table and serves you slices herself. Want another one? You're gonna wait.

It was a rainy and blustery trip out to the MG whereupon I parked myself in front of this:



That crumbling gazebo just right of the restaurant proper is indescribable. Approaching Saw territory. And if you thought Burt's Place looked intimidating from the outside...



Okay so this doesn't look so elitist-club-ariffic from the picture, but what if I told you you were looking at fully 1/2 of the dining space in the establishment?

Bourdain didn't just call out Burt and Sharon for the shoot either; they pretty much do this coming-out-and-shooting-the-breeze thing with every customer in the place, often unpredictably. And since they demand that you call ahead, they know the first name of at least one person at every table, and don't hesitate to use that name every time they come back to you. They also don't hesitate to razz you for such transgressions as having party members show up late ("this pizza is really good when it's warm") or changing party size ("maybe next time you'll learn how to count").

I've enumerated all the amusing/bemusing aspects of the experience so far. The pizza, nevertheless, is super terrific - moments-out-of-the-oven fresh, not drowning in cheese (and thus made to be enjoyed by the lactose-intolerant), dough from heaven. If you ever wanted to be in an episode of Seinfeld (you know which one I'm talking about) right here in Chicago, you know where to go.