Fast & Furious (2009)

Not to be confused with The Fast and the Furious, Fast & Furious is the sequel that many fans, and by that I mean an unfathomable US$70 million+ opening weekend worth fan base, waited nearly 10 years for. It brings back the entire original cast: Vin "we almost got rid of his movie career" Diesel, Paul "Keanu Lite" Walker, the sexy (and probably very high maintenance) Jordana Brewster and Michelle Rodriguez. I didn't say anything about Michelle Rodriguez because she may try to find and kill me in her drunken rage.

Back to the review, the in the time line of this fast and furious universe, this movie takes place after 2 Fast 2 Furious and before The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift. So Brian (Paul Walker) is still a cop, Dom (Vin Diesel) is still on the lam, and the girls are alive somewhere doing something or other. This movie changes that, thus creating the driving force of the film. That pun was not intended, I just noticed it. The story goes that Brian and Dom, being on opposite sides of the law, now kinda team up for a common goal, sorta.

The opening is probably the best part of the movie as far as creative car scenes go. The race sequence later on in the film seemed too video game like, but I did get a laugh out of what happened when the GPS directions weren't adhered to. Any owner of a GPS unit who often misses turns would know what I'm talking about. And those types of scenes, along with the ricers and muscle cars included in them, are the main reason to watch the film. That and some skankily dressed girls. Though I did get pleasure from the fact that Koreans played whiney two-bit punks since they obviously aren't cut out to be masterminds.

If you're looking for a deep plot, go elsewhere. If you want brilliant acting, go elsewhere. If you want a touching love story, go elsewhere. If you want mindless entertainment and lose a few brain cells, here you go. I checked my watch once, which is pretty good, but maybe that's because I was too brain dead to want to be aware of time. I'd much rather recommend you attend a evening at Hot Import Nights (Or at least a Friday night at the White Caste at 4 Corners in Downers Grove) instead of watching this movie because then you'd get to see the cars and skanky ho's up close. It's not a good movie. And it didn't have memorable quotes like the original, for example:

Dom: You nevah had me.

or

Brian: Hey man, he was in my face
Dom: I'm in your face.

But hey, what do I know about movies that deserve sequels? Diesel has already signed on for Fa5t 'n' Furiou5.

13: Fear is Real (2009)

I apologize but I couldn't resist. I want to respect the idea of a reality show that tests contestants breaking points and allows for people to be voted off, but it's been done. It's called C-Span. The instant it started, m'lady commented, "Isn't that the cabin from Evil Dead?"
It very well could be.
SPOILER ALERT:
Executive Producer--->Sam Raimi.
I'm not sure if that's a plus for the show or a minus for Raimi.
With all the flash and polished editing effects, I have trouble buying into this show as a "reality" much like any other "reality" show. How can anyone be scared when they're being filmed by people holding cameras? The IR and Nightvision stuff is kinda neat if you like that voyeuristic "I'm watching attractive people get scared" type o' thing.
I wanted the show to work. And I think it could if it had a confederate or two that could stage a death. Morbid, and moderately illegal I know, but considering how many different silence clauses and contracts participants sign, I don't think it's impossible.
I leave with this:
You know it's going to be crap when people are afraid of a modulated voice synthesizer... even if it is added in post.

Ghost Rider 2007

If you ever get a chance to use a free movie pass for a movie that you're not allowed to use it for, I suggest that you use it for Ghost Rider, potentially the worst movie in theatres right now. The funny thing 'bout it, was that there were three other movies we cross off a list to go see. Call it the worst best evil.

Perhaps the most enjoyable part of the movie was watching it with a bunch of like minded Bozemanites, who all shudder to think that Peter Fonda lives in the next valley over and likes to make the trek into town every Roctober for HatcH Fest, the locals answer to bastardizing this town to resemble a Northern Inbread Cousin of Sundance.
Many a comment were made during the movie about ol' Pete.

My favorite insult, and it's regrettably easy to do in any movie with Nicholas Cage, was when someone said some plot exposing dialogue and first mentioned the term ghost rider, I quipped, "Ghost Rider? More like Ghost written by Mad Libs!"

I've heard some bad dialogue:
Star Wars' "I killed them; not just the men, but the women and children."
R. Hood: Prince o' Thieves' "Then by God we take it back."

Welcome Ghost Rider to the fray: "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have sinned a lot."
And Cage didn't even say it.
All in all if you want to pay $7 bucks for a movie, you should try and dig up a free pass and then spend the $7 on beer before hand.
Should I be surprised at the abysmal quality of the movie coming from the same director as Electra and Daredevil? The only reason I've seen either is because my roommate bought them... I was bored... drunk... lonely... looking for something that would put me in nap mode... no real good excuse.

If ever I'm glad I didn't read more comics (graphic novels), I'm happy that I didn't pick up GR because it would have been ruined by the movie... again.